When my friend’s father fell ill about 3 decades ago he had no clue what toll it would take on his life. It is really IMPOSSIBLE to guess what can go wrong.

Let me start at the beginning. He had to shift to a lesser demanding job. He and his family NEVER TOOK a vacation for 15 years (yes you read it right, 15). He sold his portfolio and his father’s portfolio at the MOST INOPPORTUNE TIME.

No this post is not about what he did. It is about YOU. How should you prepare for the role of a care giver.

Let’s say you are 51 years old and headed for the corner office in a couple of years. You hear that your mother has cancer. She has limited time to live. She has been telling you that your dad (aged 82) has been suffering from dementia..and some other problems…HEY YOU WERE TOO preoccupied to hear her complaints! Now suddenly  the care giver needs care. Your sibling lives in Canada. He is very wise and can give a lot of gyaan..but it is you who has to do the work.

So step one – enlist the support of all siblings, parents siblings, cousins, aunts, uncles, inlaws…see how you can get them to do small errands.

step two – join a gym, yoga, meditation – you will have to be in good shape to take care of somebody else. When you travel by air…the air-hostess tells you that anyway.

your job will have to take a second seat. If your kids are good and are willing to share the work with you, that would be a great start.

Go around. Ask people how they did it. ONCE you are ready, look at the finances. If you have lots, and a lot more, you are damn lucy. Looking after somebody when you are yourself running out of cash. Not a great status to be in.

Outsource AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE. When you start you can do everything yourself. Actually you have no clue how long it will last. For my neighbor it turned out to be 15 years. Stop guessing. Prepare for a real long innings. Get an extra maid. Cook. Driver (Ola Uber may help). If you need a nurse start looking. Trained nurses are far more expensive. Take a call.

Talk to your parents. See how their finances are managed. My father could sign till the last stages, my neighbor could not. Be prepared for such things. Selling Real Estate in this country is impossible if the person cannot go to the city of the property, and sign in the presence of the Registrar. Getting a Power of Attorney is just as painful. Get ready for that.

Get all bank accounts, mutual funds, etc. to Either or Survivor mode, and ensure digital access.

Either you will have to move to the location of your parents or they will have to move to your city. Is your neighboring flat available for rent – or if you can buy it, buy it off. You will need the space. Especially if you have kids growing up.

Attend classes and seminars on Care Giving. It is not easy. If somebody tells you they did it, and it was easy. Smile.

Each Care Giving case is different. Some are violent, some are possessive, some are suspicious, some of them forget, some will say you have not done anything – YOU the caregiver need all the physical, mental, financial, moral, social support.

Go on, do it. Most times we have no choice. Most times it is far more difficult than we thought. Remember we are ageing too. All the best.

http://money.com/money/5657463/how-to-care-for-aging-parents-without-sacrificing-your-career/