You are a hard working mutual fund employee. That means you sit in the branch and have targets to meet. You have been in this fund house for the past 3 years and look after operations.

In walks a 67 year old man who wants to invest Rs. 10L for a period of 2 years. His KYC has been done (which means he has some money in mutual funds). So this is how the conversation goes:

Investor: I wish to invest 10L in a debt fund which will give about 11% pa

You: sir I do not know of any fund that will give you 11% pa in debt scheme, maybe you should consider meeting an Adviser?

Investor: I was told by my mutual fund group that you will try asking me to go to an adviser and increase my costs. I will not.

You: That is all right sir, I can help you with the forms please tell me what is your PAN. I need to check whether your Kyc is complete.

I: Of course my kyc is complete, do you think I do not know even that?

You: Sure sir, here is the form.

I: I want to invest in Gilt funds. See last year it gave 12% return, I guess it will give at least 11% TAX FREE for the next 2 years.

You: Sir will you be holding this single or with somebody else?

Inv: I will be holding this alone, my wife will be the nominee, and 100% will belong to her.

You: Sir please fill up the form.

Investor: the print is too small you have to fill the form for me.

You (Grumbling); Ok sir I will fill it up. Have you got your cheque book?

Inv: Here, and please put it in the dividend mode – I am retired and need the regular income. Do you have monthly dividend?

You: Sir we have quarterly and half yearly, we do not have monthly dividend.

Inv: ha! dividends are tax free that is why you do not pay monthly dividend. It does not mind, make it quarterly dividend please.

You: Sir near your signature there is a declaration saying “I have read….”

In 2021 I hope you have changed your job or at least your branch.

There is a good chance that this man will save fees, but I am not sure how happy he will be in 2022 with the returns.

This kid of a girl asked me what will happen?

I said the following possibilities exist:

a. this great man has no clue how to calculate his return so in 2022 he will not remember what is happening.

b. he may die before that

c. you may  leave this amc (highly recommended actually)

d. you may leave this industry

e. He actually comes to this branch and shouts that he has LOST MONEY in the scheme. He also complains to your HO and complains to SEBI.

In case of ‘e’ knowing your amc they will ask the following:

1. Who did it?
2. Is the branch manager worth sacking?
3. If the branch manager is good, who is the employee whose handwriting is in the form?
4. Is she still around? If yes sack her.
5. Has she left?
6. If she is in the same branch and she is valuable, transfer her to HO.
7. Give her a warning, put a note to HR, freeze her bonus.
8. What if her branch manager tries to protect her? Are you mad? do you think he will risk his RnR? No way. He will prove that he had gone on a sales call when that form was filled.