“I wish I had a family” she said. I thought she was married, had kids, had parents, siblings…Oops I was wrong. She had divorced, her daughter had chosen to go with her father, and she had fought with her brother.

I could not believe it. All I knew was her investments (so poor of me!). I was not professionally involved with her, but I used to be her sounding board for many things including her big fat investments. I realized that she had nobody whom she could nominate (her daughter was studying in the US, and spoke to her once in a year at best).

She had a big fat portfolio. Make no mistake, I am repeating this in the context that she was earning about Rs. 1 crore in her business and her portfolio was worth Rs. 30 crores + she had 2 big houses – which would be worth  Rs. 10 crores at least. So here was a young woman earning well, very rich (by any standards), working her butt off, but having nobody to share it with. She had fought with her bhabhi (sister in law, brother’s wife) over the family business inheritance and taken her brother to the Supreme Court – and won. However, to her the victory was shallow – her brother cut her off COMPLETELY, and the whole community was on his side. She is practically ex-communicated in her family’s social functions – her bua’s family has not spoken to her for the past decade.

Of course we all know that money can’t buy happiness, but it should not cause so much of sadness. Just imagine having a net-worth of Rs. 50 crores and no relatives or friends (she is not exactly friendly given her background)…sulks and goes no tours with strangers. I guess she likes being friendly with people for a few days and then go on their separate ways (my guess).

If you are part of a family business, keep communicating to your children how the business is going to be divided. For example if you run 2 businesses and have 2 children do not assume that your daughter will go away and your son will do both the businesses. I know of one Real Estate businessman who has a smart daughter and smart son in law, but a completely lazy, nincompoop son. I know that the old man is worried, and has no solution.

I think proper communication, happiness in the family, clear role assignment, are all necessary in a business family. It is not important to just tell them in broad terms. I know one father with 3 sons (all 3 in the same business) who has made a simple rule that all asset purchases and vacations will be funded by the business. Each son gets a big salary out of which they have to pay an X amount for the day to day expenses (including the parents expenses). So if one son wants to buy a BMW, he goes to the father. Father buys the BMW while offering a similar car to the other 2 brothers. This ensures that there is no family bitterness. So it could be one BMW, one Audi and one Merc – but in the same price range, full cash, and more of less same month. Annually 2 vacations – one in India and one abroad, The youngest daughter in law handles the logistics and the old man pays for it. It is clear that the youngest son will NOT enter the business – he is already working in a multi national. His wife is the “House manager” – looking after a 13 member family is a full time job, is it not?

This family has all the documentation in place and has amazing communication including things like “when I die” rather than “if I die”. I guess it helps in knowing how the business was started, how it is run and HOW IT SHOULD BE SOLD. Fabulous communication by a man who is now 80 years of age, and just a graduate, His 3 sons are educated, and 2 are part of the family business. The grand-daughter has been told that her husband has no role in the family business.

Most of India’s wealth is in the family businesses (you have to meet a few of them to know what I am talking about) but it does not go beyond 3 generations. This man is fighting this. He has chalked out a sale plan. He himself retired at 65, and does a lot of charity work – funded by the business. His grand daughter collected old bicycles and gave it to a rural school in Maharashtra – about 400 cycles over a 5 year period. So happy living, happy giving, and a happy business seems to be the only way to a “successful business family”.

Like the woman in the example, I am sure that she is willing to give an arm and a leg to be with her brother, bua, etc. but that is a one way street and she walked it alone.

How is your family business? no no I am not a counselor!! Just asking.