I get personal emails – about 10 a day asking me – which mutual fund to buy, now that we have ltcg TAX should I shift to debt,…but one email type that I am planning to write about today is “how to say no to friends”.

Good question. How to tell your friends that you have a different lifestyle and therefore you cannot do what they are doing.

I guess peer pressure is far more difficult to handle when you are young. Say when you are in your teens, and then till you are in your 30s. By the time you are in your 40s and 50s you have by and large established your ‘style’ and peer pressure is off you.

So the normal worries for people are – how do I tell my extended family that I do not wish to spend that much money, see that geography, eat that food, attend that event….BECAUSE we have other goals?

Well, I cannot say that I have had too much experience in this. Normally, I am the guy pulling people for different activities!

First of all, do not force your views on others. I find it difficult to see people who live a dramatically different life style be their friends, and not give them advice. However, over the years you tend to cluster around friends whose life style mirrors yourself. So when my friends plan a trip it is normally a hike, trek, a trip to a jungle, a run,…and not really a cocktail party.

However whether it is vegan lifestyle, frugal living, running, early retirement….here are a few things which help..

1. Do not talk about it! If you are with strangers or with friends who do not subscribe to any of your favorite philosophies, do not talk about it.
2. In case somebody raises the topic see if it has sarcasm. If it has sarcasm ignore it, its easier
3. Some people have had difficult backgrounds and hence are still in a ‘must impress others’ mode. Let them be.
4. Say no politely but firmly. Please, thanks, etc. are free – use them liberally.
5. If forced to say “At this point in time that is not my priority” sounds better than “I cannot afford it”
6. Blame it on the spouse or children – you cannot take a vacation without them, right?
7. With strangers blame health reasons for not having alcohol. With friends say “I do not drink on…Monday….Sunday” whatever.
8. I had to politely refuse a destination wedding in Jaipur. Expensive gifts are best avoided – no way how I could reciprocate.
9. Be very clear that you are not there to convert them!
10. I can be firm, consistent and polite. Check out how to do all 3.
11. Best is to change friends if lifestyles do not match.

Enough of what I do or what I think what YOU can do….please tell me what do you do? If you do not have a clear plan, a few mistakes can derail your own goals.