Going to an old age home
I will want to spend my last days in an old age home or in geriatric care depending on when the end comes. If it comes even before I go to an old age home, I might be happier, but one needs to plan, right?
I have done some research and seen a few practical examples of people going to an old age home, and these are my views:
- Most of us are in small families – I have one daughter
- We have to accept that some of the children will not and many of the children CANNOT look after you in your old age
- If you live to 97 years of age do you really expect your widowed, arthiritic, childless daughter in law to look after you ?
- I will shift to an old age home at my age of 70-73, when I guess the desire to manage the admin of a household will vanish
- I have a few kids in mind who will be the second / third holder in my bank account, and I will delegate some of the banking – they will get a fee to do this. These are lovely kids in their 30s…so they will be in their 50s by then
- Many people have no idea of what it is costing them to live alone on their own, so they find ‘old age home’ expensive.
- I find most Senior Citizen homes fairly priced – rather a price that I am willing to pay and can afford
- Geriatric care will get more and more expensive, and people in their 50s now will have to provide a lot of money for that period
- As real estate and labor become expensive old age care cost will go up at a faster rate
- I will shift to a portfolio of annuities, bank fixed deposits, and Index funds at age 72-75 with the help of the kids I have in mind
- Most people have no clue when to shift to a home and the kids wonder how to tell them
- At a particular age you have to shift – decide on when, where, etc. and do not leave it to the society members or own children
- Simplify your portfolio and leave instructions in writing
- Making a ‘Living Will’ and giving a Medical Power of Attorney
- Aruna Shanbag was taken care of by NURSES of KEM for 42 years FREE. YOU have to provide for paying the bills
- Trying to find friends / cousins / friends with similar hobbies and go to a common place is a smart choice
Many more things to add…
Atul
Hi Subra Sir,
I think it makes sense financially but, how to handle the emotional drag?
Especially when one is surrounded by lovely grand children at that age.
Regards,
Atul
umang
Real but quite sad article. We (both brothers) took such good care of our father in his last day. But sure if the future generation would do so. Old age home was frowned upon by our and generations and imagine we will have to move in there some time in future. wish God invites me to dine with him earlier than that….
EV
I agree with Atul. If you love the people around you and your comfort zone, and one still wants a feeling of home.
If it makes economic sense: why not a home-healthcare assistant?
I do not know if this has caught up in India, but worth researching.
subra
if u have 2 sons, daughters in law, 4 grandchildren, and a nice 5-6 bedroom house with domestic help in abundance, it makes sense to live at home. Sure. Now if you have one son with 2 children, a working daughter in law, a travelling son. Imagine you (or your spouse) has alzheimers / paralysis / dementia. You have a 2 bhk – belonging to your son…not sure how comfortable the homestay will be. Face facts, stop living in utopia
lakshminarasimman
sir,
how far this old age home location to your current residence ?
i have now started enquiring but most decent one is 60kms away.
whatever old age homes within 10 20kms radius do not have medical or nurse care. it is mostly for healthy old people that too sub 70s
if at all somebody wants to visit shouldn’t it be closer to our current area? or it doesnt matter?
KSR
I fully endorse Subramony’s views. I have shared it on Facebook by way of making a declaration of my intent to act this way.
In fact, I have been of this view since the age of 40 years.In 1995,my friends were planning a Resort at Lonavala,a Hill Station located
between Pune & Mumbai. They had 15 acres of land. I suggested to them to reserve 5 acres for Silver Citizen Resort. I suggested it to be
offered on a refundable deposit plus rent and charges for various services. I told them to offer services of such high quality that people
will queue up to join. I had at that time predicted that they will have an opportunity to open such Silver Citizen Resorts at multiple
locations all over India if they offered proper care and served well their clients. They didn’t understand this idea. Today, the top corporate houses have got in to this business. They build & sell for top price & the entire range of Care,Upkeep & Service is outsourced to a 3rd party.
Hory Sankar
Dear Sir,
Though i agree with your article, your reference to Aruna Shanbag was not necessary. Look at her circumstances. Do you even want to or think that any one in this world should ever get to that stage. 42 years in bed, is way too much. I think you got over enthusiastic while writing and forget that the discussion has drifted beyond personal finance. I think comparing her case to something “FREE” does not bring the article in good light.
subra
no Hory Sankar I do not want anybody to get to her stage. However a very important question which NOBODY wants to answer is:
a) who will pay for such a case if the family abandons a person in Permanent Vegetative State.
b) who will operate his/her bank account and what is the legal consequence?
c) will disability insurance pay? if yes how much?
d) when will life insurance pay?
e) who will keep the medical insurance policy alive?
lets not run away from the questions..
Basudev Tewari
Are we on the verge of a real estate boom for the silver generation? Quite a business idea!
Arhant
Really true and really sad!
If we cannot provide for and take care of our parents, i am sorry, what are we?
Its not about the money, but about time and care! If they gave their lives to us, can we not do the same when they are old?
Sir, You once mentioned if its ok to be average?
I think i am happy being average at everything else and but giving the best of care and time to my parents even at the cost of my future. I think they deserve it!
basu
Hi Subra, if there is one truth that no one disputes – it is death, inevitable but hard to look forward to.
How do you reconcile your planning for this date with future with the ‘mundane’ things you do – like writing regularly, doing your consultancy, advising whomsoever you happen to interact with, your talks, etc etc. Reason – the thought of death just makes all the present activities useless and utterly irrelevant, how can one come out of that dilemma and still be motivated for the regular life?
I know it is not finance related but believe you should have gone through this path already and may have some wise words to help..
subra
I am looking forward to death. Seriously. Disease scares me,not death. I am ready to die TODAY but have planned my finances to last…forever.
I am looking forward to touch as many lives as possible – paid, unpaid, less paid…whatever. People who need my advice, people who read my blog. How does it matter to them that I am not dead? If I am not dead the stream should flow. Frankly the ability to work is hit by the ‘not needing money’ rather than ‘I will die now’. Death is not bothering me – dependent old age with disease is bothering me.
LuckyOye
Some thoughts on the last few days (Must be written down and signed when you are still alert and cognizant)!:
A. No ICCU/Life Support beyond 3-4 days.
B. No need to continue artificial life support/respirator in case of ANY of the following:
1. Significant Heart failure and old-age doesn’t permit any intervention measures
2. Permanent and irrecoverable damage/failure of kidneys, Liver/Pancreas, lungs/respiratory system
3. Permanent and significant damage to brain resulting in vegetative state
4. Any other condition rendering me into a comatose state under constant artificial life-support
In case of A or B above, please disconnect artificial life-support and grant me a dignified end-of-life.
Final decision to be taken by my son/daughter if present at that time.
bharat shah
‘I am looking forward to death. Seriously. Disease scares me,not death.’
just not on the topic. but curious to know your thoughts on Dr. Manu Kothari’s philosophy on ‘Disease, Aging and Death’, if you came across about.(I am sure, you must have!)
bharat shah
“If we cannot provide for and take care of our parents, i am sorry, what are we?……………………………..but giving the best of care and time to my parents even at the cost of my future. I think they deserve it!”
dear Arhant, It is just ideal , but sometime not actionable.Say your counterpart is nagging, or not ready, or say, your home environment is getting unpleasant day by day and your parents would wish some calm. Sometimes it seems , there is clash of interest of your counterpart and parents over division of labour. sometime ego clash.
Chandra
“I am looking forward to death. Seriously. Disease scares me,not death. I am ready to die TODAY but have planned my finances to last…forever.”
Awesome statement!!
That sums up how our attitude towards life should be or atleast aim to reach such a state of mind, etc…
But how to over come the fear and threat of disease is another topic…
Ram
I wish I and most people I like die this way.
http://www.theage.com.au/interactive/2016/the-big-sleep/