So you want to be a home-maker? get this right….
So many young girls in their 20s and early 30s are faced with this question about 6 months into their pregnancy. It is not an easy question to answer, but answer they must!!
Should I be a stay at home mom? should I be a housewife? Should I give up my Rs. 1 million job? or Rs. 500,000 or Rs. 2 million…the greater the amount, the greater the reluctance, normally. However if one has a decent corpus, the guts to give up the job is higher. I know women who never went back to their jobs after childbirth and I have friends who reported for duty on the 21st day (yes you read right, 21). Yes that happened in US where there is a better back up for leaving small kids in day care.
Take a typical girl who has had a nice happy childhood. Her dad met all her financial requirements (no problem picking money off dad’s purse for any purchase). Then they graduated (they shared all the bills with their friends – girls or boys). Then they got a nice job and told dad “Here dad this perfume, shirt, watch, tickets to Singapore, ..car….is for YOU, and I bought it out of MY earnings”.
Then came marriage.
Then came life with a new person. Very nice, very understanding. A complete sweet heart. However she is Independent. She will NOT ask him for money (dammit I earn as much as him or more than him!).
For the past 5 years she did not have to ask anybody for any money. She just swiped her card. She just went to the ATM.
She bought gifts for her dad, mom, sis, friends. Attended friends weddings. She flew to Cuttack, Lucknow, Bhilwara, – to attend weddings.
Now she is pregnant. Should she stop earning?
Who will pay for that gift? For that phone she thinks her Dad deserves? For that ‘little’ cousin who is graduating next week? For that servant who has been working in her mother’s house for 22 years?
Will she ask her husband? The question is not whether he will give. The question is will she ask?
Will it be as smooth?
Create a source of cash flow. Make sure when you are working you save money. Say Rs. 1 million or at least Rs. 500,000 – girls this is a MUST. Keep it in a Long Term MIP…in the growth option. Whenever you need money do a smart withdrawal. If you think it is dipping ask your beloved husband to top it up.
Let us say it had Rs. 1 million (or Rs. 100,000, as you wish). You could easily withdraw say Rs. 6k a month. or about Rs. 70k a year. Use it ONLY, ONLY, and ONLY for your personal whims and fancies. You will feel comfortable that you are using your money. Remember NOTHING from this should be spent on buying gifts for your kid, husband, house, etc – that is his responsibility, right?
Now let me wait for the brickbats from the guys.
Neville Lobo
Dear Subra,
Thanks for this post. I have shown it to my wife & have saved a PDF file too. That’s for my daughter, she’s 5 now.
No brick bats from me.
Have a blessed day
subra
The number of good wishes coming your way will be much much more than the brickbats received from the spouses . YES I do subscribe to your emails :)) . That was awesome !
Anjali Patwardhan on FB..
subra
Definitely going to share this with my daughter… It’s a must.. Thanks for the article
Priya Pratap friend of Anjali on FB
Shweta
I think one can also look at starting something on their own from home. If you are a techie, you could upgrade your skills, build an app put it on store who knows it could get you good revenue, if you are writer … blog, write a book publish it online; a finance professional do some consulting free lancing work… I think most women decide to stay at home because they need flexibility in terms of when to work and how much to work.. a 9-6 regime is what discourages them. But it’s changing today; all you need is an Internet connection and a laptop and you are ready to go!
lakshminarasimman
sir sad fact is most of the girl’s saving during working will go in funding her costly marriage or her earning after marriage will go to home loan emi
when DINK DISK families become SISK SIDK families they should know how not to SINK
reality is having child is costly now and unless we can manage in single income no point having one.
Umang
Inflation more than anything else would control population in India. Its impossible to rear more than 2 kids (even 2 is difficult) for common man (not talking about Subra’s client). School fees are astronomical these days (and I am not talking about IB schools). Kids tantrums have increased many fold. Our parents were so luck they reared us for almost free (700 bucks per month 12th standard fees for a top convent school in a tier 2 city in NCR), even a decent friday night outing costs more than that. I have one kid and for now we have no plans to increase our family size in the some distant future. Till one its fine as we all three are good and include one more and all four of us would be miserable….
siva
Why brickbats, many posts need a standing ovation. You have so much life experience and holistic perspective (it will look strange to others who don’t have that much life experience). eg I am seeing now in office colleagues’ life something you predicted. Reading your blog from 2008 without fail everyday and sitting on very nice MF gains without much effort. Now i have the patience to invest and stay invested for 100 years, no hurry. My biggest regret in life is – Wish I had met you far far earlier in 2000 when i started working (could’ve made a fortune)
Jitu
Definitely sharing with my wife as well as all the girls in my contact 🙂
MPSingh
Blessed are the ones who visit this blog.
asha
i fully agree with lakshminarasimman
Chandra
What is the problem if she asks?
Why should there be so much egoism between wife and husband?
Traditionally, if both believe in the sanctity of the marraige, they both have become one mind and body after marraige!
And raising kids and taking care of family also is a kind of gain (equity) in the worldly sense, which both are enjoying and it will take care of them in the future…Even if their kids don’t care for them , atleast this is the only way by which they can finish their karma/runa!
Marraige, family and kids involves some element of sacrifice, without which the society and world doesn’t sustain itself….(this is what is happening where ever modernization has hit the societies,and leave geriatric, bankrupt societies, full of psychos and drug addicts!)
I consider marraige to be the last bastion of what ever dharma that’s remaining in the society, and even that is under attack!
Even a die hard, money minded materialist cannot eat what all he earns by himself and die !!
Nivedita
@Chandra: From my and several other married women’s experience I can say that women (stay at home/working) do not wish to ask money from the husband, becuase mostly the in laws dislike the fact that their son is wasting his earnings on the wife’s desires and likes.
Plus, if the wife is earning she can easily spend on her parents and others in her parents’ family. No questions asked and no explanations required. Peace prevails everywhere…
MRHDK2012
Many marriages start as relationship between equals. As the woman’s financial dependence increases the scale starts tilting. As years pass, the equation and relationship changes significantly between spouses. Husbands become more important. We see this happening across all strata of the society with varying degrees. In many situations, woman has to remain in a marriage/relationship because she is financially dependent.
Therefore, its very important for a woman to maintain her financial independence. In fact, it’s her man’s responsibility to ensure her independence.
I agree with Subra and would like share the post with my nieces/girls in my family.
Shankarnarayan K
It’s the understating between the couple that’s important. I know a guy who gives his salary to his wife and takes money from her whenever he wants. And then another couple where exactly the reverse happens. And they both are happy. 🙂 Its only the understanding that’s important. No hard and fast rules here.
Savithri
I copy pasted your blog and send this to my daughter for this is more apt for her, Thanks
Sans
You had posted a similar writeup last year, which I shared with my better half.
Rachna
I see myself in this.. I have 2 kids, I have a sizable saving.. and I still earn part time to make sure I dont have to ask for money.. and yes, my husband is a sweet heart.! 🙂
I also think if a life changing situation arises, this money may be helpful. If all goes well, great! I am teaching my daughter to be a self reliant person.
Nivedita
@MRHDK2012: You have hit the bull’s eye totally! Actually we are in a limbo, as a society now. We are half-progressed and half-regressed. So on one hand you find married women working and scaling heights in their careers, on the home-front, they are still expected to fight the lone battle with the in laws, who feel they have favored the DIL by getting their son marry her. And I completely agree, financial independence is a must for every girl or woman.
@Shankarnarayan: It’s heartening to know about the 2 couples you have mentioned. The understanding develops when there is less interference from the in laws family, which is quite rare though. Still we must be positive.
ajayrajaram
Husband:
I have decided to work next 30 years of my life to support you and our kids, I got you a big house, I made you are the sole benefactor of my million $ life insurance, stocks, bonds and mutual funds, retirement benefits, I take you out for romantic dinners every weekend, Every bonus and pay rise I get you jewellery.
What else you need ?
Wife:
Little more shopping money every week would be nice
Husband:
??!???