Subra you need to speak to my son!!
This sounded like a panic call from a friend…a few moons elder to me. I had no clue on what…so I did go and meet him alone.
He has a ‘major’ problem. He and his wife. They have 2 children – aged 35 and 28 the elder one being a son and younger a daughter.
The problem was the son. Daughter too…but today it was the son that he (and his wife) wanted to talk about…
‘Problems’ as detailed by the parents:
– he has not yet got married
– he has not bought a house
– he does not have a LIC pension plan
– he does not have a LIC policy
I was still waiting to hear about the ‘problems’ …but there were none…
When I was 35 I had a son in class 5 and a daughter ready to go to school. I had a LIC policy, a LIC pension policy, a business to run, and house which I had bought with a co-operative bank loan.
My son lives in a rented house, because it is near his office. My daughter is 30, married, and says “Dad we have not decided whether to have a baby”.
Subra we are at our wits end…..these kids just do not want to grow up.
Frankly I am not sure how many of you can see the problem here. Not because of anything else….but just because I cannot see ANY problem.
So I decided to meet the boy. And the boy is normal. Perfectly normal. Straight too, I guess – he did not bark at the word called marriage. So I decided to probe a little more.
He is well qualified – he is an MBA from India’s top management school. Undeniably doing well in his job / career. He has spread his money among a few mutual funds, he has taken a term insurance of Rs. 2 crores – with his mother as a nominee. He has changed just one job in about 11 working years. He is clear that he wants to live in South Bombay, and no, he is NOT willing to buy a house for Rs. 15 crores. His salary of Rs. 76 lakhs is nice, but cannot afford a 15L pm emi!!
He is happy that his sister has married his classmate’s brother – and that they are happy. He is happy that they are thinking about having a kid – and not rushing into parenthood. For himself he is happy that he has not committed to a house, marriage, or business. He is not to keen to join his father’s business.
I am not sure whether I understood the problem……will be happy to learn from the comments….
Arjun
Classic case of issues arising out of generation gap.
The ideals and choices of the current working age generation can be quite out of sync with their parents’.
My mother still believes life is pointless without marriage (or some sort of intimacy with another human being) and experiencing parenthood (barring of course any medical issues). I used to vehemently disagree with that line of thought in my teenage years but seem to agree to some extent now that I’m getting older.
In the above case, the father clearly wishes good for the children but has his own views about it. He has to let go. As simple as that.
You’re in a difficult situation as it’s a friend. The guy who will read them the writing on the wall!
Payal
There is absolutely NO problem…. The son is well qualified, doing well in his career, only thing is that he doesn’t want to compromise his lifestyle or commit to a relationship (may be he isn’t ready for one)
Daughter is “thinking” whether to have a baby, isn’t that nice??? Nowadays a decent school’s fees is 2lac p.a for grade 2 … I myself feel I should have planned and then go for kids
THERE IS NO PROBLEM AT ALL …. The son and the daughter are sensible and practical
Prashanth
The only problem is the biological clock. It doesn’t understand modern ways of thinking.
Ganesh Shetty
This is a matter of perception.
The parents are right. They would want their children to live the ‘normal’ way.
But then is there a ‘normal’.
The son is right also and so is the daughter. But then this does not mean that the father is wrong.
Now what is a problem itself is a question. One mans problem may be the others normal.
bhushan
The only wrong thing that the father is doing is expecting his Son and Daughter to behave as per the nromal way that he thinks is normal. He should realize that they are grown up and are responsible for what choices they make whether right or wrong (which only they should decide).
Sure he should have a conversation and see what he and she wants from Life and if it is diffrenet from his own views just learn to let go and let them live their own life.
Sadly Indian parents just dont seem to do this!
Kamal
From his parent’s point of view his marriage age is the only problem. it is quite understandable his fathers anxiety about his marriage. if he commits the time of marriage probably their parents won’t complain about anything i guess.
Chirag Ghate
i have a friend who is 35, earns 20 Lacs p.a. nad still unmarried. Parents and friends pressure him but he thinks i will lose my freedom if i get married and also if it goes wrong i will have to pay half of my assets which i don’t want to do. He’s also financially very sound.
Bharani
This is obviously not black & white situation!
The only advice could be to ask father and son to sit down and talk. I am 35 married,kid, make good money, manage finances etc, but I still owe this life to my parents; nothing changes that, and still feel my parents have a say in major decisions; for their age, I would, at the least, consider what they have to say! From father’s side, he wants only the best for their children, no matter how old they are. It is difficult (may be futile) to convince him their choice for their children may not be the best in children’s eyes!
As for Subra Sir’s position, the depth of advice depends on how much influence his advice may exert on their lives!
sevan
Why does he have a term insurance of 2 crores if he has no dependants?
N
Classic case of generation gap
Totally nothing wrong with the son and daughter. Myself going through similar pressures in life. Trying to make my parents understand that marriage and kids are not the start and end of marriage.
Biological clock is a big myth
Indians need to seriously get away from the typical mindset that life is all about first good education>good job>marriage>1bhk on emis>kids> dedicating the rest of our lives for kids. Theres more to life than this
Prashanth
Let us not deny the biological clock. Just like we cannot play with the environment and get away with it, playing with biology has it’s implications. For one, research suggests that children born to older parents are more prone to genetic defects.
Partha
Let’s bring down the age of the son to 26 and earning 76. Now with marriage out of picture (bio clock) the son still has few years before the topic surfaces. Would the father be still concerned in that case?
Me in his place would be concerned in 2 cases son not earning or son earning so much that he doesn’t know what to do.
Would I ask my son to walk the path I walked ? May be not. Every generation has its own ideologies. So advice to father relax let your son live is life. Unless he is investing his earning in a ganja farm there is no need to panic.
Advice to son … Tick tick bio clock….