Have been in the RE market for the past 5 months trying to buy a house. Obviously unsuccessfully. However in this period I have met about 5 brokers and they are all SIMILAR in what they say. Mostly they take me to a fellow broker (funny?) who represents the seller.

Here are some of the things that they say….along with what I understand.

1. It is a very quiet location.

What I hear: Even at 6 pm you will not be able to get a rick or a taxi anywhere near!

2. Better to buy here without a bank loan.

What I hear: It is a 20 year old building and the finance companies will not touch it.

3. It is a well managed society.

What I hear: they do not throw chairs at each other at the meeting, only blows are traded.

4. It has a sea view

What I hear: Yes, if you have a 3 foot neck.

5. It has a covered garage.

What I see: Closed only at the top. All the sides are open.

6. The client just rejected an offer for Rs. X

What I hear: We were not sure if he had the ability to pay X Rs.

7. The client is not in a hurry to sell.

What I hear: the client has not been able to sell it for 6 months.

8. The client has reasonable expectation on the price.

My view: about 30% over the last done deal.

9. This location is at a premium

What I hear: Look the house has to be redone completely. All we have is location.

10. You will have to spend some money on the interiors.

What I see/ hear: the internals of the house is so damn bad that you will spend 30% of the cost just to make it livable.

11. The client is going abroad next week, and needs to close asap.

What I hear: he needs the bloody cash, and you can squeeze for a 20% discount even without asking!

12. It has excellent potential for a nice rental income

What I hear: If you are in your right mind, you will not live here.

13. The doctor has asked the client not to live in a house with 3 levels.

What I hear: We are trying to move to a same level house, but it is damn expensive.

14. The previous tenant left without completing the term.

What I hear: You want to sell because you cannot get a tenant!

15. We do not mind renting it out if we cannot sell it.

What I hear: Exactly why it has been on rent for the past 5 years?

16. It is partly furnished.

What I hear: His wife did not want the old sofa and cupboard with peeled doors.

17. The society may not allow your workers to work in the afternoon.

What I hear: your workers will come at 11am and have tea. At 1pm the building manager will ask you to stop work till 4pm. At 6 pm your workers will leave. I dare you to get your work done.

Will you please add your favorites in the comments section?