When the father of a girl called me to ask about a boy (marriage reference), I said nice, glowing things about the boy.

Fairly obviously I knew the father in a professional context, the girl in a social context and the boy was working for a company owned by a friend.

I did not know the boy much – except that he had interacted with me while dealing with his audit team. My friend however said glowing things, and that I conveyed to the girl’s father.

When I mentioned to my friend that a girl’s father wanted a reference for this boy…he asked me “is the girl’s name …X’..I was stunned at the accuracy…the girl had played her cards well!

Then somebody asked me….”Did the boy thank you…for the good reference”….I burst out laughing.

I said ‘I am happy that an affair is ending in a marriage, that alone is reward enough’. The girl does not know about the phone call, the boy does not know about the phone call. The owner of the company is NOT going to tell the boy that there was such and such a call. THERE IS NO WAY how anybody other than the 3-4 of us will even know about the call.

This incident is not very relevant, but just to tell people that to EVEN expect ‘gratitude’ for an event like this is impossible.

Any expectation of gratitude is WRONG. We help others because it is a part of OUR healing process. We feel good helping others, that calms our mind, makes us feel good, THAT IS ALL. To expect ‘gratitude’ is actually causing OURSELVES a lot of trouble – once you have expectations, you build a case for having disappointments. That is FOOLISH.

Also, gratitude is NOT a human trait at all. Ask a nephew who has inherited something from his uncle or aunt – and he says ‘yes my uncle did not have children, so he gave it to me’. Or ask an employee and he says ‘Yes my company paid my hospital bill of Rs. 500,000, but it is MY JOB THAT created the stress, so HE should pay, should he not?’.

I know people who are happy to have a job. Any job at all. Then suddenly in one year’s time (normally 4 months time) they are in a comparative misery – ‘she got a 30% jump’ ….blah blah…etc.