Class differences do show up…
Amazing how a person can marry so much out of their own comfort zone!
It does not take a genius to know that a boy or girl should not marry too much away from their own class. Imagine a very rich girl married to a low end employee in a private sector job.
Or a very well qualified girl marrying a low end worker in a factory.
Some such marriages look doomed right from the start do they not? Imagine a boy earning Rs. 22000 NET take home marrying a girl whose father has a present net worth of Rs. 35 crores and that not including a nice big 4 bhk house in south Mumbai and a big 2000 sq ft office in Nariman Point. Now go and salivate!
I know the boy, the girl and the girl’s father. Each one speaks to me – and I cannot agree MORE with the girl’s dad. The girl who has had vacations in almost all parts of the ‘civilized’ world…marrying a guy who has taken ONLY ONE vacation in life till his age of 28.
Do children who have grown up in a house with 3 cars ever have to think how the common man travels?
How will the girl react when her sisters marry guys from the same social standing as her father?
If her sister were to say ‘let us go on a world tour this vacation’ – how is she going to react?
Frankly marriage is a lot of practical things – including money. Sure money is not every thing, but to say that you need about 10 crores – when I adjusted it to inflation last time!
Nishanth
Agreed–unfortunately the harsh realities of love marriage crop up only when the rose tinted shades are taken off– and the couple start living together..facing social pressures , sibling pressures , peer pressure etc:)…speaking from experience:)
Paul
lol… Happiness comes in many formats – It could be in the form of world tours or in the form of a meal prepared together helping each other.
There is nothing called social pressure or peer pressure for a couple in love. Money is nothing – nothing -not even worth the paper it is printed on! Especially in love!
Pure humble and sensible feelings reap good reward in this society.
Just a random example – A nurse started working for a hospital for Rs.2000. After 20 years of her service, she is still taking home only Rs.12000. But she never reflected her salary on her service. The hospital grew and established a medical college. Her son got a free seat in the medical college with all fee paid by management. The son graduated and joined the same hospital. He now works for the same hospital for a less than industry average salary.
If you consider that the nurse have moved to a better paying hospital(private one instead of mission hospital), then she could have saved enough for the kids education.
Your good deeds gives good bonds in this world – Money can buy anything, but with good relationship, compassion and love many things come without any price tag.
At least in southern part of India(yeah, remote village though), we have social insurance in many forms where money is not the yard stick, but the willingness to part with it for a good cause is the scale.
dpt
Topic of love marriage aside, the following statement pricked me.
“Sure money is not every thing, but to say that you need about 10 crores – when I adjusted it to inflation last time!”
I can only laugh seeing such motherhood statements made. Agreed this is your blog and personal view, but what is the basis of this figure? I can vouch that, 70% of the readers of this blog will not be having or will have the means to have such a networth.(Just going by Indian demographics and per capita income).
And people having less than that figure can never say money is not everything? Wow! what a fallacy and a cynical view.
Vidya
Too true .. such marriages always remind me of the apt quote
“Love quickens all senses except common sense ! “
Nishanth
@ Paul — Agree with you for the most part -except the part about “there is no sort of pressure for a couple in love”…Have seen too many examples otherwise to be convinced about it:)..and I could be suffering from availability bias, but all the couples whom I know who have married for love, have told me that after 2-3 years, it isnt any different from arranged marriages…Now that’s my view alone , though..
Sambaran
A brilliant piece Subra! Our hypocrisy around money is mind boggling. Surely money is not everything but it is surely something.
Puzzled about the last sentence though:
“Sure money is not every thing, but to say that you need about 10 crores – when I adjusted it to inflation last time!”
What did you mean here? Is the sentence incomplete? Is needing 10 crores necessary in today’s circumstances a normal need or an absurd need? I did not understand the sentence construct here (may be I am killing the humour by dissecting the sentence, please forgive).
SAM
The girl definitely wake up one fine day – to all kinds of pressure! If she is mature enough – then she will be able to handle it. Else bitterness will set in!
Pramod
@ Sambaran, If you read Subramoney regularly then you have come across this phrase more than once. What it means is that to a certain extent you need money to fulfill your desires and after that level i.e. once you acquire all that you need, money is just a number. Any amount over and above keeps on sitting in the bank and at this stage you can say that Money is not everything. Subra says that at present the minimum amount to say this is 10Crores i.e. if you have that amount the chances are that all your money needs will be taken care off and you can say that money is not everything( of course it implies only for amount above 10 Cr.)
Sambaran
@Pramod Thanks! After your explanation, I read the sentence again with proper pauses and it made sense.
subra
Paul, read carefully, i have nothing against simple living. However if your father had said ‘On days our Merc, Rolls and Bentley are not available you WILL have to take ONLY a Honda City’ your SISTER will find it difficult marrying a doctor in a village. Have such marriages not happened? yes they have. Are they happy? I have no clue.
I know one very rich girl…whose idea of a simple life is taking a flight and taking a cab EVERYTIME wherever she goes. She continues to live like her father’s daughter. She and her family get NO RESPECT at the paternal home. That is all.
anmol
Subr Sir ………….
LOVE DOESN’T SEE “CLASS BARRIERS” !! 😉
PrAvEeN
So what can be the complications of a rich guy marrying poor (or not so rich) girl 🙂
Sachin
Money does not buy happiness,
but a little more money will always buy a little more happiness.
Money will not make you happy,
but at the least you will be unhappy in comfort.
sachin kumar
Now go and salivate ! :)))
asmi
Class differences WILL affect the relation.
The only instance where it might make a less impact is if the couple has a shared passion ….which keeps them happy together despite the societal pressures. This is difficult in marriages among young but by late 20’s or 30’s, (hopefully!) clarity emerges and the life’s priorities will be defined.
Working at creating a happy marriage is as such not simple and it is the same irrespective of love or arranged one. Imagine dealing with hostile surroundings at the same time.
PrAvEeN
Sir, Social status (or income) of Siblings (sisters) after marriage of 10 years will change. One’s husband will earn more in business and one’s other may not that well. Then how can we compare these????
Some_guy
I wish more people follow your advice. We obviously only need people with net worths greater than Rs. 10 crore procreating.
I noticed you didn’t handle the other side of the issue – I suppose that’s because once married, the boy’s money becomes the family’s money, but the girl’s money remains the girl’s money?