Old peoples homes: Do we need them?
A man with a net worth of Rs. 30 crores. Brains intact, but obsessed with Yoga and fitness. Does yoga all day and NIGHT. Lost only son to a heart attack at an age of 76 (sons age). Wife died 13 years ago at an OLD AGE of 82.
Daughter in law unable to look after his medication needs, and she needs to travel to be with her children….
What is the solution?
A reasonably young man aged about 60 losing his brain power, cannot talk, cannot use his brains – and needs just the basics RIGHT. Wife gave up after 13 years service – she had to go her children (now settled in UK)….
What is the solution?
A 80 year old lady unable to look after her 84 year old husband….no children.
A 86 year old man unable to look after a 80 year old wife suffering from depression. Daughter living in Chennai, son living in Gurgaon. Old couple DO NOT WANT TO live with daughter and CANNOT stand the cold in North India. Cannot live alone. Domestic help / cook combination have looted the couple’s house – silver ware, utensils,….missing. They do not have the energy to do shopping, banking, etc.
What is the solution?
Think of such exceptional cases before commenting about people who HAVE to go and live in an old peoples home. I have been to a couple of O A Hs and found all kinds of people. People who have come there by choice and those who have been forced to come. I have gone ONLY to reasonably well priced ones (cheap ones cost Rs. 10k per month per person, Rs. 50k as deposit) and the expensive ones cost Rs. 10,000 per person per month, but include say a one time refundable deposit of Rs. 1 million.
Life in an old age home is difficult ESPECIALLY for those who feel they have been forced to go to an OAH.
If you are younger – say around 40 try doing some volunteer work in an O A H. If you are older say 50 start doing research on how you are planning to spend your time in retirement – from 55 to 70, from 70 to 77 and post 77. Take a bet that you will live till you are 90. If you die early, it is a bonus 🙂 If not, at least you are prepared.
Nishanth
Thought provoking , I fervently hope that nothing prevents me from caring for my parents when they are in need of my help.
subra
Nishanth
when you are 62 and your 30 year old daughter needs you and your wife in USA URGENTLY to look after their kid where will you leave you 86 year old father and 82 year old mother….and ha that childless aunt – your dads 89 year old sister – THAT IS THE QUESTION.
Dr M Chandrashekhar
Govt aided Old Age Homes are quite pathetic. Some of the new , high end private OAH are good & comfortable.
Money works everywhere– you will be looked after well if you are prepared to spend money.
Once you have accepted the ground realities of life, the transition is easy.
subra
i agree money works everywhere, the question is
a) have you built a corpus which allows you to dig into it and pay Rs. 10L as a refundable deposit?
b) do you accept that the risk of climbing a stool to change the bulb is too damn high – and it is all right to pay a guy MORE THAN THE COST OF THE BULB to change it?
…most people need to get practical ABOUT the falling value of money and not say ….’In 1980 I paid Rs. 8 for a haircut’ – move on buddy…..
pattu
At 38 I have already started keeping tabs on old age homes. As a single child I spent(d) a considerable amount of time and energy caring for my parents. I don’t want to clip the wings of my single child with this burden.
Search for some old age home websites, get the cost details, open an excel file and enter it each year to avoid shockers close to retirement.
I am told there are good ones close to Coimbatore, Pondicherry and Pune.
Dr M Chandrashekhar
In Bangalore too. i recently saw one –high end Retirement Home started by a Hospital Group. Great surroundings -expensive.
If I get battered in life, I would think of moving in.
subra
if u see the Indian demography, there are MORE old people in South than in North. Also normally S is more adaptable – the break up of the Joint family happened in the 1960s in south, and only in 1980s in the N. So demand is likely to be greater. However Jaipur, etc do have OAHs too. More details that i get, i am willing to feature them here – largely talking about them and giving a link – so that people can do their own research before they decide.
Siddhant
I am thinking I should not be worrying about this @ 32, but you make a very compelling argument.
but then I guess over next 10 years this industry will develop (all the nationalized bank employees recruited in boom years) will be looking at ages 60’s to 70′ now with very very decent retirement savings. they will create this industry. I know of a place in Pune near Pashan road, where entire colony of senior people is staying no assisted living but Doctors on call & people available for service called atahshree,
subra
Siddhant some co incidence, my parents live there 🙂
RAJARAM MULAY
Subra Sir,
Read your thoughts on OAH. I am a 74 year young man with 71 year
young wife.
only son in canada with his family. having very good relations with us.
from the beginning we are of the openion that old people should stay in OAH. I have already stayed in 2 different OAHS TO have experience of staying in an OAH and I was happy with both the OHAs.
I am very independent type of man and would not like to burden anybody .
However there are very few OAHs where medical facility i,e, there own hospitals and inmets are not sent home till death.
Can you please get me a list of such hospital. Money no problem.
Thanking you
RAJARAM MULAY
hos
sujatha
I think being with people with similar age group and interests goes a long way. Most of the elderly people I know of, come just to talk 🙂
Nishanth
@Subra- you pose a tough question , i never even thought of it from that angle.Well, will cross that bridge when it comes to it. It all comes down to whoever needs more help from me at that point:)
Mira D
Thanks for this one, extremely relevant… I was privileged to pitch in for my father, but I see my uncles struggling– kids abroad, usual story.
I liked the bifurcation you’ve done– 55 to 70, and then 70 to the end.
Dr M Chandrashekhar
Dear Shri Mulay,
Suvidha , a Retirement Village very close to Bangalore is being run by the Management of Bangalore Hospitals Ltd.
http://www.suvidha.co.in
You may visit the website & form your own opinion.
Regards.
Lakshmipathy G
Subra,
To me this line inspired, “If you are younger – say around 40 try doing some volunteer work in an O A H.” Thanks.
asmi
One of my papa’s friend unmarried, retired used to stay alone with maid’s help till he could manage and later went to stay at a retirement home. He was not very happy in the new place. Health too deteriorated and didn’t survive for long after relocation.
Even while he was healthy, he made me arrange for all the forms to donate his body to the medical college and whenever we met used to take my assurance that it will be done.
Recently he died and his wish was carried out.
Just sharing my experience.
Santhanam
As in earlier eras, we need to plan for the various stages of life in a new way which is applicable to today :
Brahmacharyam (Bachelor)
Grahastam (Married)
Vanaprastam (Retired/Old but independent living)
Sanyasam (Very Old/Dependent Living)
Sorry i have changed their true meaning a little bit.
Thanks.
Ankur
Subra sir,
Very timely post. I have been looking for a good old age home for my relatives around Mumbai / Pune. Money is not a constraint but, looking at their health, I feel that facilities for assisted living is must. If you or anyone reading this comment know any suitable place, Please do advise.
Nikolai
Just a thought, OAHs are still not popular in India. Very few of them go there willingly and very few decide that they need to live “independently”. Most of the folks i have seen are “forced” to stay in the OAHs. With this, the general mood is “negative” or “depressed”. You can’t stay positive with such negative feelings, listening to other comments like “how their son ditched etc”. This is one of the main reasons today, why people hesitate to go to the OAHs.