Repay old loans!
Yesterday I was hearing the story of a man who supported his 5 sisters (one of them widowed) almost all his life. Typical government employee he had an irresponsible father who had 8 children.
The son qualified as an engineer and joined government service. Then it was up to him to support his father through life. His father thought it was his right of being looked after by his son. So the son had to send money to his father (or there would be no food on the table), and get his sisters married off.
The son did all this, and so obviously could not save much money for ‘his’ own family. Then he had to support one stupid brother-in-law who would quit his job every 1-2 years because he was short tempered.
He is now about 80 years old and he and his family think he would have paid for 10 ‘thread ceremonies’ and 13 marriages. Apart from this he paid for his father’s illnesses, mother died without much doctor expenses, and for miscellaneous ‘please send me money’ kinda requests.
He is now NOT SO WELL OFF and is dependent on his son and daughter. His net-worth would be about Rs. 400,000 + a house in which he lives with his wife. His son is well off, and earns about Rs. 30L a year and his daughter is also a professional earning about Rs. 20L a year.
He hates taking money from his daughter…so sometimes it gets routed through his son!
NONE of his nephews and nieces EVER make an attempt to help him. Invitations are sent without tickets (I think this is nothing short of a crime, if you seriously want a non earning financially dependent senior citizen to attend), and when they come to visit him (rarely if at all) they are polite, but not really helpful.
This post is just to remind all of us…that in the past if there was somebody who helped you – in your education, marriage, illness, or asset acquisition, AND THAT PERSON IS TODAY DEPENDENT on somebody else (could be son!) remember what he gave you was a LOAN. After all he sacrificed HIS REQUIREMENT to help you at that point in time.
It is time to repay the old loans. You may not know the amount, it does not matter. If he helped you when you needed it, you should help him when he needs it.
Such people will never, ever ask. Just a reminder.
Jayant
This is very touching. I am sure there will be many such graceful aging people who just worked/earned for others without worrying about their own retirement.
Raj
Hi Subra,
I have been reading your posts and the comments everyday for more than a year but never commented. Those were the posts which helped us understand the concepts of getting rich financially. But this one, really enriches us.
Thanks a lot Subra.
Vithal N Satwik
Hi Subra Sir,
This post of yours has touched my heart. I have experienced this as father supported a large joint family without worrying much about his children.
God Bless you.
-Vithal
bharat shah
it looks i read my story or rather our story , but i feel every body is kind to me and the condition(financially or otherwise) is due to me only , and not any body else, and i think, it could not be different even under favorable circumstances.of course it reminded me story of one of my relatives , reaching age above 75, having only son @50 , very well educated but doing nothing because of mental problem since last 20-25 yrs.my relative himself , post graduate and a research person helped a lot to his brothers , but how he is living in Mumbai, is always paining me. really touching. let God live everybody happy!
Vidya
Unfortunate but too true !!!
Sometimes it seems as if just b’cos a person takes responsibility – he/she is taken for a ride by irresponsible family members ! It is clear the nieces / nephews don’t feel an ounce of gratitude for his presence and help in their lives!
Mira D
I have no words.
Mira D
In gujarati we have a saying, “taru maru sahiyaru- maru mara baap nu..”
what is yours is also ours collectively– but what is mine is what my father had bequeathed.
subrabhai, this sums up the nephew’s and nieces attitudes.,,,
bharat shah
i like to say something for the story. as i think , may be from my experience , that the man is a toy of circumstances. it may not be the father who may not had asked for the services what the son did to the father’s family, but he himself got self satisfaction , happiness while all he did. it could be miserable for himself if his sisters remained unmarried, his father suffering from illness due to money shortage and so on.now on part of nieces / nephews not responding, my take . leave nieces / nephews, even (younger) brothers and sisters may not acknowledge, he may not feel, as what he did , was on behalf of father-mother , and towards his love to them.and as i think, he may not repent for what he did. his son and daughter seems not suffering and set financially well.and himself having 4 lacs plus house in a city at age 80 is not bad.something depending on son is not at all bad situation.
T S Ashok
This mostly happens where many childrens are there inthat only one Male is available. Even after marriage , the females are asking help from the male. surely pathetic during old age for the male.. we need to help them..good post.
Murali Krishnan
A very good post sir !!!!
Mrs X
This story struck a chord with me. My husband’s story is very similar to this one. 9 siblings (5 sisters). He was taking care of as many as 12-15 dependents at a time with him being the only earning member. His expenses included not just daily requirements but also hefty wedding and dowry expenses for his sisters. Worse is that since he ran a business, we never knew how much he really made. Everyone believed (conveniently so) that he was always flushed with funds.
He often had trouble paying for his own family needs (like fees, medical bills etc) and did not have even 10k for that. But still he refused to ask his relatives to pay back his loan. His relatives in fact still kept pestering him for money.
It is a sad story and a reminder that you are first and foremost responsible for yourself and your immediate family. No one will help you with that.
Suhas Zore
Touched my heart
My pa himself supported joint family @ hometown
Luckily for pa/mom & me ….he was in Central Govt service with pension & medical facilities
I Thank God for us
Suhas Zore
Touched my heart
My pa himself supported joint family @ hometown
Luckily for pa/mom & me ….he was in Central Govt service with pension & medical facilities
I Thank God for this
Dr M Chandrashekhar
Excellent post, Subra. Touched my heart to a great extent. One of the important lessons of life is to exhibit an Attitude of Gratitude. Sadly , this is missing in today’s world.
Dheeraj
So true.. Our elders never ask for help even if they need…
My father gets pension. He is being treated for some elderly diseases.. he always tries to bear the doctor fees, medicines etc..
varghese
You should be grateful to the daughter-in-law who has supported her husband.
subra
16 comments! thank you…but not even ONE saying ‘yes my wedding expenses were paid for by my uncle, so I have decided to pay him Rs. 200,000 as a thank you gift”
so the reminder did not do its job 🙂
‘Expecting Gratitude is a WRONG concept. You do it because YOU enjoy it, NOT because somebody will thank you for it. Happiness is INTERNAL not external.
Ritesh shah
Happy to see another soft side of Subra..
Keep it up
haque
subra sir,
i like your reply more than ur post. all of have been in the position mentioned in your post. but this post is reminding us abou the people who helped. THANKS. small though it is, i still have to go and pay my debts.