Parents duty?
Not sure how many of you are on facebook. One Ibnlive.com clip doing the rounds is an IAS topper saying how much his father sacrificed to make him an IAS.
He talks of his father selling his land. He talks of not having a house to live, but still studying for his IAS.
His father says I would have sold my kidney to make my son an IAS officer. And the son says proudly that his father used to go walking, but insisted that the son should go by auto…because he has an exam.
I quite liked the sacrificing spirit. However, I did not like the video on 2 grounds:
1. The father (and presumably) son duo did not know anything about IAS as a career – except that the guys had tremendous power. Normally to the normal person authority means huge sums of money (this is a Bihar story, so dowry too). If he is planning to be an honest officer, is this job of a great attraction? Frankly I do not know or do not have an answer. After all each person has to answer that question for himself / herself.
2. Parents spending on kids is fine, but within limits. For one such ‘success’ of getting into IAS, surely the world is full of IAS dropouts and rejects. How will such fathers recover their investments? I really do not know. Even this kid did not look like a 22 year old. He must have been about 26-7….so there is an opportunity cost also.
Should parents sell off everything to educate their children? Not asking people who have money for EVERYTHING…
Asking those parents who have (say Rs. 5 Lakhs) – should they give it to his FATHER who needs the money for treatment of cancer, or his daughter who wants it for her MBA (or marriage) or use it for his own retirement?
Not easy answers, needs some soul searching and cruel decision making powers. To me it is scary!
3. Also look at the huge risk involved. If the son has an accident (therefore incapacitated to hold a job, or dies) what happens to the father’s old age.
It is easy to applaud the results of a risky journey, it takes a risk manager to understand the risks that the person undertook while doing the trip.
All the best to the IAS officers…and may this kid do well.
anush
I belong to Brah community and education has been the focus from childhood and rightfully so. Parents make all sorts of sacrifices for education right from simple things like not switching the television during exams etc.
Aspiration for better things in life is part of our evolution(of all humans in general) and the way we do it, as long as it is honest, just shows our determination
Karthik
I believe that retirement planning should come ahead of Education plan for children. Afterall it is possible to take an education loan on the kids name and he can pay it later once he gets a job.
Srinivas Muthadi
“Sacrifice”? I believe it is simple gambling. There are so many parameters, in this game called ‘career’, which are beyond the control of the actors/players.
Personally I feel we have to be within our limits and should be able to withstand hard landing, if needed. 🙂
Swapnil
Subra Sir,
1.Most of the people from my father’s generation(I am 28 years old) feel that children’s career is the best
Retirement planning & also there is belief that parent’s first priority should always be to make their children stable in their life. A decent Job for Son & marriage of the girl is the ultimate goal so people go beyond means to achieve this.
And regarding risk, I feel emotions drive human beings more than logic & we all know children are parents weak points(most of the times).
Sreekant
Very well put by Srinivas though we can’t call it gambling exactly. But typically, you have emotions ruling over reason, logic, rationality etc. When it comes to children and especially their education, we do not want to feel guilty of having compromised. May be a bit of loss aversion also since you do not want to spend the rest of your life watching other children “outdo” yours.
sujatha
Maybe it is retirement planning in a sense that otherwise you would have to make provision for THEM in your retirement plan
Rahul
Despite being a clerk, my father decided to send me to the best school in the town even when it was very difficult for him to support the joint family of 8 members and pay my school fees. His collegues’ childern went to the govt. school and his boss once ridiculed him by saying, “Kaunsa tumhaara beta collector ban jaayega!”
Heck.. True, I never became a collector but did managed to crack JEE, completed my engineering and grabbed a job that paid six times what my Dad’s boss earned.
My mom recalls the time when he had no money at the time my coaching fees was due. She asked him how we’ll manage. His reply was, “Namak se roti kha lenge lekin uski padhaai nahin rukne denge”.
When you have parent with values like this, damn the retirement plannning and risk calculation. I’ll make sure I’ll do whatever it takes to get my kids best education possible.
rajeev bansal
Dear sir, This is by far the best blog i have seen so far in my life.kudos to you sir.This is the best you can do for our country.
nitinpai
@Rahul – It feels nice to see your conviction towards your parents. Its very true that in the older generations parents were more than sacrificing. I would attribute that mentality to the entire social scenario prevailing at that time. And we were a part of that generation who have seen both sides of the coin. The career-focussed and parent-respecting people of yesterday and the free-spirited, go-with-the-flow people of todays.
Our parents were lucky enough to have children who majorly supported them in their sunset years. But will this trend continue is a big question? I am seeing lot of western thoughts imbibed in today’s children with no focus on their own well being, leave alone of their parents and respect going down the drain. So parent’s who still are sacrificing in the present generations will have to watch our for some bitter surprises in the future.
subra
For those who are successful look at the kids who get their parents to pay for their pilot’s course, then being unable to get a job as a pilot ask their parents to pay for a NIIT Course!
Bagbhan movie was created out of some real life incidents, correct?
Parents should spend on basic education – higher studies should be funded by LOANS…
Milind N
Thanks For the Input Subra.Worth Ingraining in our DNA
Sreekant
Very true Sujatha, nitinpai and Subra. Times have changed. There were hardly any edu loans a few years back. So you had to give it all. But making the child borrow for higher edu also instills a sense of responsibility and drive to do well as they are after all answerable to someone, if not their parents. Westernisation is happening fast in undesirable areas. Why should so many old age homes crop up all over?
pravin
loans? i hope we dont get into that trap.the average american student graduates with 120000 USD in debt.good luck finding a job with an arts degree in this economy and a big debt to pay off.
higher education is not for everyone.yes it is not
the andhra govt subsidises 85% students under various reasons,caste,income etc for Engineering and a vast majority of these students go to all sorts of shady colleges and get a degree for no real effort and find it tough to get a job.these are not good investmenets.these are horrible diversions of public money.
i hope the govt has no role in financing higher education via loans.when you artificially increase demand and reduce price,you will have more students and less quality.law of economics.engineering in AP is cheaper than KG.now that says something
Jeet
“…. look at the kids who get their parents to pay for their pilot’s course, then being unable to get a job as a pilot ask their parents to pay for a NIIT Course!”
How would an education loan have helped here? Who pays the EMI if the student is unable to pay after the completion of the course?
dr m kishan
Regarding the question subra sir has put, is there anybody willing to spend the money (5 lacs) towards the treatment of FATHER’s cancer. as subra sir already said this is not for those who have all the money to spend.
As for me I can only pray to god not to put me in such a situation. But probably since I am a doctor I think I shall give the preferance to life over other things
ddshah
i shall vote for Sujatha, Nitinpai, Subra & Sreekant….
Ankur Lakhia
I think it does not matter how education is financed, whether by parents’ money or by loan. Because both forms of assistance need to be repaid, in form of paying back loan with interest or in form of taking care of parents in their retirement. However, taking educational loan is more explicit and binding whereas taking care of parents is more moral and non-binding. Now if education is worthless, it will be painful on both cases. I understand that educational loans also need to be guranteed by parents. So, ultimately, if things do not work out, parents need to take up the burden in any case.
I believe that a reform is needed and educational loan needs to be made unsecured loan without needing any gurantee by parents. Also, provisions need to be made for students to declare bankruptcy if they are not able to get proper job. Ofcourse, safeguards need to be there to protect interests of bank as well. However, making parents responsible as guaranteer makes this risk free trade for banks wich should not be the case.
More important part is to ensure that money is well spent and child is able to do well in life after acquiring degree. This requires some judgement on part of parents & kids and also some counciling / guidance from professionals in assisting them to make proper choices.
anon
School was the best possible in my small city, though God Knows the parent couldn’t afford it.
College incl PG was courtesy Garrmint of Guj, girls study free, do even their PhD’s free 🙂
Anon
If I pay for my son’s education without planning my retirement, then I am basically expecting my son to take care of me when I am old. Today my son is dependant on me and tomorrow I will be dependant on my son.
But once he is married, he has his own life to lead, his own family to look after. Clinging on to him and expecting him to support me is sheer stupidity and turns out to be a parasitic relationship! Which I will avoid at all costs. The reason there is a lot of bitterness between wives and their in-laws is because the husband’s parents want to live with their son while the wife’s parents cannot. So naturally wives feel no affinity for their husband’s parents. After all, familiarity does breed contempt.
So to avoid all these issues, the basic requirement is that parents should never be dependant on their children. This means retirement planning is of utmost importance and should take precedence over everything, including children’s education.
I would rather bring up my son to be a fighter and a go-getter who will chase after his goals rather than expect me to bring everything to his plate, sacrificing my life in the process.