One friend (lets call him A) came to me complaining about another friend saying ‘D has not returned my loan of Rs. 44,000’.

He perhaps wanted a shoulder – and my readers know ‘I hate tears’ (LOL: Amar Prem, Rajesh Khanna!).

So I turned and said ‘Why did D choose you to borrow from?’

A was stunned. He wanted sympathy. He expected me to say ‘D is so cruel, such a cheap character, ….etc.’ However we need to accept that we are a victim of our own actions.

‘A’ always wanted to play God and would go around wanting to look superior. So in the friends circle people see him NOT AS A HELPER, but as a guy who was BUYING RESPECT by gifting, loaning, etc. Well when your aim of giving the loan was ‘to look good’ – be happy he took it. Why should you be worried you have not got it back?

The world picks up signals very clearly. If you do not want to give a loan, say NO.

Why did A get chosen over so many others whom ‘D’ knew? Simple A was clearly giving signals of ‘wanting to give a loan’.

I am not here to tell you whether you should give a loan or not – it is your call. However if a lot of people are taking ‘loans’ from you and not returning it, obviously, something is wrong with YOU, not the borrowers.

Sorry if I am sounding cruel – but if a friend comes and says – I need a loan.

In 9 cases out of 10 he is saying ‘My lifestyle got me into this mess’ or ‘I made wrong choices, did not have an emergency fund, did not carry enough insurance, married wrong’  or something like this.

If you cannot change that, giving a loan is foolish. You still wish to help, give a gift. Anyway the amount will not come back, at least tell him you know it. Even if you do not tell him, tell yourself.

If you want to say NO, but are embarrassed to say so tell your friend ‘My wife and I have a policy….loans about ‘X’ have to be jointly approved. It helps our financial harmony’. It is actually true!